The work I bring from the North of Eden summer retreat is a new understanding of the enormity of this spiritual work.

I am in some kind of stone chamber. I sense that it is part of a much larger structure that is part of some huge system. I see some men that look like they are from some kind of ancient tribe of Indians lying and squatting near a stone slab. They are dressed in some kind of orange skirt and neck/headdress. Suddenly the system activates and the men stand up. One of them leaps into an octagon shaped opening in the chamber and extends his arms and legs to touch the top/sides. He is standing in the position of Leonardo Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. Then he blows his breath out and it has the effect of further activating the system. Then I am standing with him and I look out and see that it is a massive structure with many cells just like ours all with someone standing in the opening that looks exactly like the guy in mine. There are sparkling lights everywhere. It is like the scene from the matrix when Neo wakes up in the pod and looks down; only instead of pods I see octagon shaped openings each with a man standing in the Vitruvian Man position. It is dizzying. Then I am floating in the space in between and it is filled with water. I feel myself floating up and I can see that there are millions of people in these cells. I look down and see that way below there seems to be a bottom. I suddenly feel the urge to swim down, though I feel I am going against something. I start swimming very strongly down. I think people are now looking for me to stop me. I move past the lights and cells into a kind of substructure. I feel very scared now because it is getting dark and I don’t know what I am doing or why I am doing this. I see an opening that seems to lead further inside the structure. I swim towards it and feel a powerful vibrating/pulsing. I can hear it and also feel it in my body. It feels ominous and I am scared. I am at the bottom of the structure. I wonder if I can stand and I put my feet below my body and when I touch the structure, I feel the vibration and I think it will kill me, but it doesn’t.
When my teacher, Marc (Bregman) reviewed this dream, he said it was a gift, the man representing a kind of Bodhisattva. I did not know what a Bodhisattva was and so in the moment of the analysis of my dream, I understood it only as the idea that the activation of one can lead to the activation of many. In terms of my dreamwork and my life, I see it as a place where I can step more fully into “carrying the message” to others. To share the gifts of what I have learned, my experience, strength and hope, with someone else who may then carry that message on to another and so on; the lifting of human consciousness perhaps occurring in this way. I believe everyone is a potential Bodhisattva. We all carry the capacity to live in this way. It is part of our nature, part of the truth of who we are. I have a desire to discover this truth in me. I do not know what this means or how it works.

I hear a voice say, “there is no seeking, there is only desire.”
What is the true meaning of desire? Has its manifestation in the outer world corrupted the true nature of desire? Most teaching states we must devoid ourselves of desire, that our desires and our attachment to our desire is the source of suffering. Perhaps this is just a projection onto Desire. In our place of emptiness, we project our desire to be filled onto the world and seek fulfillment from the world rather than from inside ourselves where the Divine lives. (A true Bodhisattva once said, “The kingdom of God is within you.”)

It is like the mirror of the world reflects back a lie. I stand in the horror of how in my own perverted desires I defiled my body and my heart. How I took everything I could take and gave nothing back. How in my not-desire, I was unconscious, blind and flailing in my devastation.

But where would we be without Desire? What if desire in its rawest form is simply the longing for union with the Divine, the yearning for reconnection with our soul self? Perhaps it is not that we must devoid ourselves of desire and thus be released from the attachments and the attendant suffering, but perhaps we need to let the true Desire flood into our consciousness and be the force that propels us back to our truth.

OK, so how very esoteric! How godly this all sounds! I do not know these things in myself. I do not know who the teacher in me is. I do not know how any of this works or what it means in my life today. It is terrifying in its enormity. I do not know anything except I have Desire to step in deeper, to keep following the dream to see where it leads, to allow it to uncover all of me, to deliver my Desire to my consciousness instead of my ego, and to bring my faith to this process and to those who are breathing the message into me. To let the dreams bring the enormity of this work to the personal by showing me my unique journey with all of its attendant grief, joy, pain, love, sensuality and desire.

I love this work.

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