Dream:
I am driving in my car and I hear sirens. I start to slow down, but my brakes seem to not be working well. I wonder if the cops are after me because I can’t tell where the sirens are coming from. Then I see a red car with a yellow flashing light on top coming towards me. I have both feet on the brake pedal trying to stop, but the car is slowing down very slowly. Then I see another red car spinning down the road towards me in slow motion. I see that there is some kind of huge accident ahead.
When I bring the support of the Anima to this place, I am no longer alone. I feel her hand on my back, and I relax. In the relaxation, I drop the need to stop the car. The accident has already happened. It is not happening now. What is here for me? I do not know. I don't like to accept that there is an accident in my psyche, a trauma that is there and I am not sure what it is. The not knowing is scary. I think maybe I have done something wrong. Acknowledging that part of my pathology is that I believe that I have done something wrong, brings up the heartbreaking grief and sadness of realizing my child's wound. It is heart breaking because she is innocent, she is neither the cause nor the perpetrator of any crime. She just wants to be loved. The spinning car in the dream is slowing down. The spin is slowing, perhaps so that I might see more clearing what is happening. I do not see anything more clearly, I only feel more acutely the terror of the inevitability of the crash. If I believe I am alone, my terror turns pathological. I must jump away, find a way out. If I know that I am not alone, that whatever happens I will be supported, the terror becomes the fear of the mystery of the unknown places in me and turns into an acceptance of the support I feel at my back. I can lean into the Anima and let her hold me. She wants to, I will let her.
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