I have just returned from the NOE class "Carl & Me"...Marc Bregman teachings through an exploration and excavation of the The Red Book, by Carl Jung. It is a terrifying, fascinating piece of work. As always, truth resonates for me.

The teachings tonight brought up many things for me. But it reinforced the place where I am at in my homework right now which is to feel the support and love and teachings of the Anima in the place where I am retching out my trauma and to bring her presence to the place of fear as I approach the scene of the accident.

What I am learning in this work, as I learned in the difficult work of my recovery from addiction, is that the divine will not give me more than I can handle. If it is coming up in the dreams, then I am ready to feel it and know it. And, that I am not alone. The Archetypes continue to show me over and over in the dreams, that I am not alone. I don't have to figure it out, I don't even need to understand it. I do need to have faith: faith in the dream and faith in my dreamwork therapist. As in all spiritual work, we do not go it alone. Another aspect of the teaching that was mentioned tonight. The pathology of my ego is so strong that I could never, of my own will, best intention, or intellectual prowess unravel the mystery of the dream on my own.

A man has cooked me a really good meal and we eat together. Then I feel really sick and I run outside and throw myself onto my hands and knees. My body starts to wretch. [The Anima] is there and puts her hand on my back. I hear someone saying “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” And I hear [The Anima] say, “She is sick”. Then I throw up a huge pile of stuff. There is a whole bunch of orange liquid, too. I realize that I have gotten some in my hair. Then I think that the man will be disappointed because he will think I didn’t like his food.

I am with a woman who is showing me how to spin some of my roving. The thinner pieces of roving spin up easily, but I have a harder time with the thicker pieces which keep separating from the line. The woman is showing me how to fix the problem.

In the first dream, I am filled with the nourishment of the divine, but having been starved so long, I cannot accept it. It is too much. I am sick. The Anima is there in my moment of sickness as I purge the thing that I have been carrying around in my gut for so long I had forgotten it was there. She comforts me. I feel her hand on my back and in that moment I do not feel alone. I feel loved and I feel relief to get whatever sickness is in me out. Pathology tries to take me me out by creating drama"what's wrong, what's wrong?" or taking me into shame by worrying what the Animus will think of me.

In the second dream, the Anima comes to me as she has in other dreams. The Yellow Spinner, actually teaching me to spin. She places her hands on mine, showing me how the fibers of my worlds, outer and archetypal, need to be brought into balance. They do not run parallel to each other, but are spun together taking their strength from the interlocking fibers.

Marc talked about balance and how important it is in this work. I feel the voice of the divine speaking louder than the voice of pathology when my spiritual fitness is a focus in my life. When I get caught up in outer world dramas, schemes, fears, resentments and the like, the voice of pathology overwhelms the voice of the Spirit of the Deep. Seeking conscious contact with the divine through the dream work, helps me stay spiritually fit.

I see an apple tree laden with beautiful, red apples.

"If you do not know what divine madness is, suspend judgment and wait for its fruits." Carl Jung - The Red Book

This work is awakening the passionate spiritual longing that exists in me and has offered me a way to be in deep personal connection with the divine.

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