Acceptance

From Cy Tombly's Bacchus Series

I have been very aware of my homework while on vacation here in London, to be the girl tied up in the burning building and to know that He is there with me. Most notably when I walked into the gallery at the Tate Modern where Cy Twombly’s paintings from the Bacchus series were and experienced a visceral assault. It was like I had stepped into the burning room of my dream. These paintings are extremely large scale and the vibrancy of the red causes the whole room to glow a luminous red. The loops of color are like dancing flames. I became overwhelmed with the feelings of pain and grief I have been experiencing in the homework that seem to be so close to the surface at times. In that moment of feeling, I was able to bring the presence of the Animus into my awareness and I felt a sense also of peace and acceptance in this place. My bondage falls away in the acceptance. I cannot avoid the pain, though every fiber of being has thought that I must. This is bondage of my own making...a bondage delivered of the ego who strives to deny the oneness that exists within the duality of my being by forcing me to choose, to cling to one or the other, keeping me always out of balance, in the eddy, projecting, reacting, distracted from the truth by all the noise of the world.

Right now, I am holding myself in the place of my homework with tenderness and love and acceptance.

In the Flames

In this moment, I am feeling the grainy-eyed anxiety that sometimes follows the intensity of feeling into the places in the dreams that bring me the most pain or grief. In this moment, I am willing to do this homework, to be the girl tied up in the burning building. I see her. She is the terrified, trapped girl who sees no escape. The flames are burning her and she is filled with rage and grief. She does not know that, in this moment, she is not alone. Her champion coming to remove her bondage and lift her up and carry her down from the burning building, if she can just stop raging long enough to see him. In this moment, this girl hurts. She feels lost, scared, abandoned. In this moment, her world has narrowed to rough-hewn bondage and tongues of fire. Her eyes have sizzled from her skull. She cannot see. She did not know how.

An army of young men, filled with youthful vigor standing toe to toe, forehead to forehead, breast to breast with me. In this moment, I notice that I do not feel threatened. In this moment, I feel uncomfortably safe and calm. In this moment, I notice that I do not run. I do not fix. I do not fight or control. I do not care take or judge. I do not take. I am just in this moment, eyes closed, pressing foreheads together, the weight of their bodies supports me, holds me up. I need no muscles, no skeletal structure, no eyes or ears, no hands or feet. There is only my awareness of being literally supported. Safety in numbers, a pause before the swirl of fire engulfs...

Deeper Healing is Possible

Deeper healing is possible for all of us. This was shown to me in the very first dream I worked with my North of Eden dreamwork therapist when I entered into this work.

11/1/2010 – DREAM: I am standing in a doorway and I see the Yellow Spinner working on a boy. The Yellow Spinner is some kind of healer lady, but I don’t know why she is called the Yellow Spinner or how I know what she is called. She is examining him and he appears to be in pain. She looks at his butt and sees a contusion on his left butt cheek with something white sticking out of it. She starts to pull on it. He starts to scream in pain. Suddenly she pulls out a long white thing that looks like the shape of the spine and it has several branches and a dark vein running through it. It seems to be about 5 feet long and part of a nervous system or something. It is scary and I think she didn’t mean to do this. She turns around and holds it up to show me. I run....

In my session, it was suggested to me that she is the Archetypal figure known as the Anima, a female representation of the divine. She tells me that I am very intuitive and that this woman is a healer. She is working on the boy who represents the masculine aspect of my soul. The Yellow Spinner is healing my soul. In the dream, I run. To witness the awesome power of the divine is terrifying. She isshowing me directly that a deeper healing is possible for me. I believe this deeper healing is available to us all if we are willing to take the difficult journey back to our soul.

My homework from that session was to go back to the place in the dream where the yellow spinner has pulled the thing out of me and to feel into what it would be like to experience greater healing.I felt the truth of this in my heart and in my bones. I had no idea what I was in for, but I was curious and my desire was strong and I returned the following week for another session.

Haiku:
Yellow Spinner heals:
The boy starts to scream in pain,
As the demon leaves.