The Hope

What does it feel like to not struggle? What comes after surrender? In my previous posting, as the boy, I fall to the ground feeling lost and hurt because I have lost Him. He wants me to feel into how I am lost without him. This is an unfamiliar, uncomfortable feeling for me to allow in. I have a lifetime built upon a persona of self reliance, independence, and control. In the dream, I feel the surrender but not the relief of the surrender. My instinct, instead of feeling into my loss, is to be frustrated, angry, upset. This is a familiar pattern for me. To be able to stay with the loss is the challenge.

Dream:

I am with a man and we are standing up to our waists in the water trying to pull a boat off the shore. The boat is tethered by a rope. Every time we go to pull the boat out, the tether gets stuck or we somehow pull against each other. Then I am swimming under the water. I don’t see the man, but I feel his presence.

In the dream work, to be in the water, swimming under the water, breathing the water is to be in the human essence, in feeling. When I am no longer fighting against Him, I can be in the water. In the water everything is free. In this dream, there is limited visibility, no distractions. Everywhere is pale green and white, the color of sunlight deeply diffused in salty sea water. I don’t have to see Him to know he is there. I feel His presence all around me. It is comforting, a feeling to be captured and carried out into my outer world.

My homework from these recent dreams is to notice the “Cut”; to notice when I am thrashing around overwhelmed and lost and then be in the water feeling His presence.

This idea of the “Cut”, as far as I understand it, is a way of aligning the outer world with the inner world place of connection with the Divine, which comes from the dream work.

Dream:

I see a girl holding a flame in her hand.

The hope. I see her, small and ethereal, showing me in a delicate outstretched hand. It is a tiny, yellow flame, beautiful and fragile yet illuminating the darkness with light. Not hidden, but held out, an offering. Puella Aeterna. The Eternal Girl.