I am in a small room off the North of Eden School classroom. I am doing something that is for a class, like transcribing or filming. I feel separate from everyone. I hear Marc teaching and there is music sometimes. Everything is improvisational. Scott F is the conductor of the music. Marc says something really amazing and then Scott starts riffing with the music. I can hear all these different instruments all coming together in the most amazing way, and I think, Oh my God, this is what Scott used to be like before he forgot who he is. I run into the main room because I just want to hear it. I think I am probably not supposed to be leaving my station and my job there, but I don’t care. The lighting in the carriage house is dim and warm, like it is a living room, not the cold, white lighting of the class room. I see Marc & Christa and other NOE people. I don’t see the musicians, but I close my eyes and feel myself smiling. The music is all around me, orchestral…incredibly passionate and beautiful, all completely improvisational. And then I feel all the ecstatic sensuality rising in my body and I feel so happy. I wake up in this feeling.I really just love this dream...it is a very spiritual dream for me, for it shows me who I am before I forgot who I am: a sensual being, in the flow of the universe. This is who we all are.
What if the music rising is really the way life could feel coming at me when I am standing in the truth of who I am as a sensual being? What if this is what it feels like when people, places and things are happening all around me and I am not in reaction, projecting from the place of my trauma? What if the mystery of life is in this incredible, seemingly random, but beautiful improvisation? This is an exciting possibility since in the dream what I feel is all the Kundalini sensuality rising into my body. Here, I feel the love. If I had no trauma, maybe people, places and things...what happens in the world, would not trigger me, and I would just be in myself, in the flow.