I am at a huge barn with a woman where Vanessa’s and my sheep are being watched by H (another farmer we know). A woman who runs the farm is there. She says there is a problem with a lamb and that is why she called me. I look into the barn and there are a whole bunch of huge animals, moose and horses and possibly others. I ask her what they are doing in there with our sheep and she says that they belong to her husband. I feel afraid that the animals are so big they have harmed the sheep and that is why she is saying there is a problem with a lamb. I tell her that I wish H had told me about this. I go in and work my way through the enormous animals to find the lamb. It is a large white lamb and it is down and rolling its head around. Its mother is no where around. I pick its head up and see that it has a long flap of skin coming off the top of its nose and I think that when it tries to breath, the flap covers its nostrils and that is why it is flailing its head around. It keeps licking its nose and I think I will need to call Vanessa and that we can trim off the flap and it will be OK. But then I realize that it has no eyes and that it has some tentacle like things coming out of its mouth. I think that this lamb is probably deformed and won’t survive.The lamb can't see because he has no eyes. This lamb represents what it is like for me when I am in the reactive place of my trauma. When I am the lamb, I am flailing, licking my lips because I can't breathe. I am alone in the moment. And even more alone because I can't see. The Archetypes (the moose) are all around the lamb, yet the lamb is blinded because it has no eyes. This is what PTSD is like. At its most intense, PTSD symptoms are a manifestation of a completely irrational place of trauma fear and I am completely isolated in that place. When I am in my trauma reaction, I can no longer "see" Him. In the dream, I am projecting as I believe there to be something bad that has happened. And then, like the lamb, I don't "see" the moose; I have no time for the moose. There is only a fleeting moment of Wow when I first see them, and then I am in the place of trauma needing to find and help the lamb, believing it to be deformed and not likely to survive.
This dream shows me how trauma reaction completely cuts me off from Him. When I am in my trauma, I become blind. I am completely cut off from the love.